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Blood on the Motorway. [13 Sep 2004|07:46pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

i travel along the endless road of decisions. all my life i have come to the crossroads and have been forced to make a decision. to no end am i ever satisfied by the end result. i am forever lost in the storm. sailing to no end and that i will never reach or see the sight of land again. depressed...no...confused...? possibily... do you ever find yourself thinking about the past? i do. i find myself dwelling on the things that could of been..sometimes even the things to come. does that make me a bad person? i don't even know what i want to do with my life. yes, i have goals. many of them. maybe i should be a reinessance man. haha. even though i have many passions i really haven't found one that i enjoy doing all the time..or that i would enjoy doing for the rest of my life. could that be why i joined the military in the first place? because it really isn't a commitment, it is service for the next four years. i can deal with that. i sometimes find myself flocking to my friends passions. art, sports, gaming etc. maybe im just window shopping for my future. delving in others to find out what i like and enjoy best in life. i guess that's a good thing. i've always been an open person...willing to discuss just about anything...but i feel that i have never really been the person i was ment to be. i don't know...thinking usually makes me, myself confused. i guess i shouldn't judge myself.

3 Disjointed hearts | Where should I start?

Days go bye.. [06 Sep 2004|09:36pm]
This day when by alittle too fast. I hate when good days do that to you. You'll be having loads of fun. And you'll come to a point in the day when you realize you're minutes from going back to work or whatever you're doing. I know alot of you can relate...But then I say to myself. You know what? It's alright, because that's one more day that's gone by that I don't have to deal with anymore. On another good note I'm very close to my one year mark in the Navy. Thank God.
Where should I start?

Tired. [04 Sep 2004|07:54pm]
[ mood | restless ]

Today I think I walked a total of 10 miles to go do some stupid hearing test. Seeing as if I didn't get the damned test done I would of ended up in Captain's Mast and gotten reduction in rate and 45 days restriction on the boat. So anyways I got that done and ran back to the ship and finished the day out until about 1:40 or so and went to my rack and slept for the rest of the day. Oh, did I mention that I had the shittest day I've had in awhile. Last night I took the wrong trolley back to base and ended up in Mexico in which case I had to hop the next one back to San Diego. I ended up in San Diego around 11:30 and got back to base around 12:00 I didn't actually go to sleep until around 1:00. Which sucked because I had to get up at 6:00. But it's cool because I really didn't do anything anyways. I went and bought a whole shit load of clothes yesterday and got the new DiesalBoy cd like I said I was going to. It -fucking- rocks. I don't care who you are, if you like any form of Techno, pick up this Drum N' Bass masterpiece. It's -that- good. It's got remix's by Kaos, Tiesto and more. Seriously, it's worth the look. Check it out. Tomorrow is Nocturnal. YES. 20 DJ's and 5 rooms of pure bliss. Fuck yea. I can't wait. I'm going to get so fucked up off of acid and E it's not going to be even funny. Actually, to me it will be. HAHA. It's cool though, I got people to keep an eye out for me. Aside from that there's a few things I thought I should get across before I end this novel of mine. I know most of you know me as the cocky asshole from Ayenee or loud-mouthed hyperactive bastard. Aside from the two, if you actually got to know me in real life I'm actually quite down to earth when it comes to getting serious. I don't know, sometimes I just put up a front way to often to disguise how I'm feeling. That's just me though. I was born and raised that way I guess. I've never been the one to express how I'm feeling aside from the fact of being an asshole or hyperactive. I've never really opened up to anyone and just actually talked to them man to man, person to person. In a way, I don't know...I guess that's sort of lying about who I am? Maybe. Fuck I don't know. Just know that I'm going to try be straight up with you guys from now on. Not just be the egotistical dick that I used to be. Old habits die hard. =\ Peace.

5 Disjointed hearts | Where should I start?

Current events. [01 Sep 2004|08:03pm]
[ mood | discontent ]

Let's see here. Today I got paid. Finally. I was planning on going to the movies but I didn't feel like going by myself and pretty much all of my friends had shit to do today so I just went to the recyard. I was looking up a few numbers over the internet and it turns out it's going to cost me 1.2 grand to take my family to disneyland. Oh well. It's going to be worth it. :D! I can't wait to take leave in December. I can tell you it's going to be one kickass Christmas. What else... I checked some information on the SBC site and I entered my phone number and according to them we can get DSL in my area where my parents just moved to so i might talk to my parents about getting that tomorrow. Gotta make a few calls though so i can have it set up by the time i get there next week. :)! I talked with Emily. Hopefully she can understand where I'm coming from and not take to offense by what I said. Still gotta get those CD's I mentioned. Oh, not to mention go to Nocturnal Wonderland on the 4th. :D!






Can't wait. Anyways. That's pretty much it other than the fact that it fucking sucks dick that I live so far away from my best friends. Oh well, gotta stop dwelling on the past and live for the future. Peace.

1 Disjointed heart | Where should I start?

Pay day and then some [30 Aug 2004|08:48pm]
I had a good weekend. Spent some time at the new home. It's pretty awesome. I finally got a room to myself. :D!! I haven't had my own room in a long time and I think it's safe to say it's about damn fuckin time. Gotta call up SBC Pac Bell and see about sending them over to install our DSL. Anyways. I'm waiting to get paid so I can order a few things online. Gunna get Galerians:Rion and the soundtrack, not to mention Godhead's album Evolver and DiesalBoy's newest releast "Dungeon Master's Guide." Can't wait.
2 Disjointed hearts | Where should I start?

Time of my life. [26 Aug 2004|07:53am]
I tried to write in my journal yesterday but somehow it wouldn't save, hopefully I didn't triple or quadruple post the same entry. Anyways, yesterday and today were awesome. Save for the simple fact that I'm having trouble finding sleep these days. Don't really know why. Let's see where do I begin. On Monday I got drunk as fuck with a few friends of mine. We started off with a 12 pack then bought a 6 pack and it just kept escalating from there. Lol. To say the least I enjoy myself that night talking and messing around. The next day I had a shitty hang-over and I barely passed the PRT because of that. I really need to quit smoking. I felt like a old man running the mile and a half. Lol. I had people twice my age passing me up. I'm not ashamed to say it. I sucked on my Physical Readyness Test. Oh well. Finally. I talked with someone who I hadn't spoken to in a long time and found that I still had feelings towards her. Speaking of which. I think I'm going to call my baby now. Peace.
Where should I start?

The Hate in Me [21 Aug 2004|07:37pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

YOU'VE GOT TO WAKE UP, NO TIME TO MAKE UP
THE LIFE YOU WASTED AND EVERYTHING THAT BROKE APART
DON'T DISREGARD ME, OR THIS EMERGENCY
YOU ARE THE ONE THAT STARTED THIS ATROCITY
I'VE GOT A FEELING INSIDE THAT YOU'VE GOT SOMETHING TO HIDE
AND THAT'S WHAT I'M WAITING FOR
THERE'S NO APOLOGY FOR YOUR HYPOCRICY
I'M COMING DOWN ON YOU WITH ALL OF MY FEROCITY

I FEEL THE HATE IN ME AWAKENING (CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING)
I HIDE MY FACE TO STOP MY SUFFERING(CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING)

I FEEL THE HATRED, FROM EVERY WORD YOU SAID
COMSUME UNTIL I'M DRIVEN TO MY DEATH BED
NOW YOU'RE INSIDE OF ME, YOU'LL NEVER LET ME BE
I SEE THE TERROR OF ALL YOUR INHUMANITY

I FEEL THE HATE IN ME AWAKENING (CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING)
I HIDE MY FACE TO STOP MY SUFFERING (CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING)
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE FEAR AND DOUBT YOU BRING (CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING)
YOU MADE ME WHAT I AM IT'S SICKENING

I FEEL THE HATE IN ME AWAKENING (CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING)
I HIDE MY FACE TO STOP MY SUFFERING (CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING)
I CAN'T BELIEVE THE FEAR AND DOUBT YOU BRING (CAN'T STOP REMEMBERING)
YOU MADE ME WHAT I AM IT'S SICKENING

God I love that song. =D

2 Disjointed hearts | Where should I start?

My death. [13 Aug 2004|08:39pm]

Hey dudes! Guess what? I passed my test. Haha. I was surprised. I qualified 3M in four days, which is unheard of. It usually takes about 1-2 weeks to qualify. Heh. Just goes to show if you put your mind to it you can accomplish just about anything. I hung out with JT and Brynn the majority of Thursday. It was fun as hell. I showed them all around Mission Valley Mall and they seemed to enjoy it. Today I went home to spend the weekend there like I usually do. I'll be chillin here until Sunday afternoon  until I have to catch the bus back around 3p.m. Oh and I died. Here's how it happened.

We regret to announce the untimely passing of Jason, who on the 4th of June of this year was callously smushed by bears.  This unfortunate incident occurred in an anthill in Las Calamas, CA.  The deceased was reported to have shouted "Cripes!" just before expiring.  Jason is survived by fifty or so gerbils.  Funeral services will be held the 5th of next month.

Find out your own comical death here.

2 Disjointed hearts | Where should I start?

Sweet. [10 Aug 2004|03:29pm]
[ mood | determined ]

So much is happening this week. I have to take my 3M test on Thursday. Pass it, and then after around 5 P.M. head on over to some unknown meeting place that me and JT haven't really worked out yet. Then, this weekend. I may or may not go to my families house. I don't know. It all depends on how I'm feeling this weekend. I talked with Jenn earlier this week. She seems to be doing well. I'm glad. I haven't heard from her in awhile and I was wondering what she was up to. Anyways. I think Carrie is going through a tough time. I spoke with her briefly last night. She said she was "...Alright." But I know better. I hope I can do something to help. I so relaxed right now. I feel that I'm ready for Thursday's test and I'm all done with my PQS. Just gotta pass the test. I know I will. I'm confident in myself. Ok, maybe I'm just alittle bit nervous but that's just in my nature. Anyways. Wish me luck. Woot.

1 Disjointed heart | Where should I start?

Today [08 Aug 2004|08:28pm]
[ mood | nervous ]

Today i got up and went to work again, as usual. Didn't really do much. Le bitched and complained that I was late again. Lol. He said I was late to work 5 times in a row. He says if I'm late again, he's going to keep me over on my off day. I better not be late again. Lol. I go dink for 3M on the 18th. Which means I can't go to my house this next weekend. I have to say and study and get shit signed off. I also I have to beg to my chief to get a few days off to go help my parents move. I'm not sure if he'll let me. If I don't pass 3M I know for a fact that he won't. So hopefully I will pass it. It's easy shit. Fuck it, I'm not really worried. I'm just worried about my parents. Talked with Dad today. He's doing well. Pissed off though that he can't go to sleep. He sounded drunk, it's cool. Lol. I'm sure he'll be fine. Serna and I see eye to eye about the Navy. We both want out as soon as possible. It's easy yeah, but it can be hard at times. It still sucks being the new guy's down in the pit. We've yet to earn any real respect or friendship. We both are determined to undermine and out shine anyone down there. Soon we'll be the one's giving the orders. Haha. Soon as in next year soon. It's going to be so awesome then. What else, talked to JT earlier he's doing ok. We're going to hang out next week and go eat at a sushi bar. That should be fun. I didn't go hang out over Goodrich's house with Hoskins like I usually do. I have to put my nose to the grind-stone and buckle down and start getting qualified. Talked to Andrew "Beef" for a little bit. Little bastard. He's living the life in his barracks in Norfolk. Lol. Oh well. I'll make out with the better deal when I get a job in the real world. :P Haha. Anyways. That's pretty much it for now. Later.

3 Disjointed hearts | Where should I start?

Became a member. [04 Aug 2004|06:47pm]
Hey guys. What's up? It's been a long time since I've posted so I thought I'd let you know I'm going to get back into the habit. Laterz.
Where should I start?

RAHAHA! [29 Aug 2003|09:02pm]
You LOVE Linkin Park
You LOVE Linkin Park!!! As a matter of fact,
you're almost as obsessed with them as I am!!
Almost!!! You're like my new best friend!!!


Are You a Hardcore LINKIN PARK freak???
brought to you by Quizilla


im a bigger fan than she will ever be. i love linkin park, ive listened to them from the beginning.
2 Disjointed hearts | Where should I start?

Who am I? [29 Aug 2003|08:49pm]
Kagome
Your Kagome! you like to hang out with your friends
and are always the first person to volunteer to
show a new student around, you are kind and
giving and enjoy having a occasional sleep-over
with the girls!


What Inuyasha Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Kagome

O great lol. im a pansy. fear my awesome strength. heh. just got home from taking my sister to a dance. gotta go pick her up later. jenn is at work...jt wont pick up the phone and i was invited to six flags by chad this weekend. sweet. anyways. peace.
Where should I start?

dejavu? [29 Aug 2003|08:12am]
[ mood | awake ]

i went to sleep last night and had this weird dream. i dreamt at my grandmas house i was down in my uncles bedroom and he was drunk in there of course. and i saw this back room full of books. for some reason, i wanted to go back there and grab a book. he kept telling me that there was no room in there for me to walk around and see. thats weird. anyways. that freaked me out. alittle. and the reason it freaked me out, is because i remember vividly that i had that dream before. *shrug* im watching techtv right now, nothing else is on. i didnt get to talk to jenn much last night. jt isnt grounded anymore or whatever. weird how his parents are. not like i can talk tho. anyways. later.

Where should I start?

feeling tired [28 Aug 2003|07:52pm]
[ mood | tired ]

i slept alittle before i came online earlier. im still tired. i plan on heading to bed early tonight. talked with jenn. shes doing alright. found out that jt is "grounded" whatever the fuck that means. I got my buddy andrews home address so ill be able to keep track of his ass. i wanna possibily meet up with him too. hell, he's like family. anyways. im alittle excited. my time to go into the navy is drawing near and i cant wait to get out of the house. it just opens to much more stuff and opportunites in my life. i hope i get to see jenn. that would be so awesome. right now i got this damn chorus from that killswitch engage song i was listening to earlier today. "i, stand fast in my own solidarity. the path i walk, i walk in my own resolve." its so awesome if you like people screaming in the background. other than that i havent been up to much. i chilled with rob yesterday. i think he might of tried to call me today but i was asleep. anyways. much love to you all. peace. im heading off.

Where should I start?

my chest lifted [26 Aug 2003|11:34am]
[ mood | tired ]

i talked with jenn again. it was good to let all my feelings out towards her. im glad i let her know. but like, i dunno. i feel like i destroyed our friendship now. i really like her. and i told her. i think she feels the same way about me. but it was hard to tell. since i was caught up in my own emotions. i feel like a cock for saying those things to her. i bet she's like, what a jackass. but thats just what im thinking. im hoping she's like. ya. that was cool. im glad he told me. or something like that. but ya. i told her i liked her. which is funny. see. i never told anyone that, that was online ever. EVER. and for some reason, it just felt right to tell her. i mean. shes funny. shes just so down to earth around me. she says alot of the stuff my friends would never say around me. we talk about anything and everything. thats what makes her so cool. thats why i like her. because i can say anything to her, and she still likes me for how i am. because thats the way shit is supposed to be. anyways. im fuckin hellsa tired. right now, all i can think about is jenn. and its keeping me awake. i hope i can spend more time with her online. tonight. maybe i can come down and see her when i get finished with boot camp, that would be so cool. i promised id take her to a linkin park concert. i cant wait. linkin park sounds awesome in concert. better than on the album. in my opinion. another thing that was funny. i got that feeling in my stomach when i was talking to her, it made me all getty. if thats how u spell it. i wish i could describe how she makes me feel. i mean, when i talk w/ her its like she makes me more alive. like i want to go out make things happen, be energetic, be wild, be funny, act crazy. u know whats rly weird? is that she and i have only met 4 like 4-5 days and im already feeling this way about her? i keep feeling that makes me a bad person. like im immature or something. i hope im not that shallow or fake. i told jenn the truth about everything. and i hope i can do more with her later on. with that aside, im hella good. i feel great. even though im running off of like no sleep. im getting kinda hungry. plus my dad just went to work. rob is about to call soon. ill see what he is up 2. i bet hes still fucking around with his truck when he calls. o jt is feeling kinda down because his mom just isnt understanding enough with him at home, and at work shes always so negative towards him. i hate people like that. my sister and brother just checked into flamson. its this middle school in town that has alot of kids. and they seem to like it. im glad. that other school they went to sucked ass. so i encourged them to go to this one and finally my mom gave in. yesterday they came back laughing, i guess they had a really good time. im glad. i hope they make lots of friends. thats something i was never really good at. i was always so shy. i mean, i talked. but not alot. i was just that dude someone had in their class. people knew me. they just didnt know me. i dont know how to describe it. my mom is still depressed about her horse. i think she really loves that horse. its got cancer. in the face. so eventually it will die. i hope she can cope with it. i mean i wont be there to help her out or let her cry on my shoulder. so hopefully my little bro or dad will fill that gap while im gone. if not. ill have to kick some asses when i get back. anyways. im done talking, time for something to eat. peace.

1 Disjointed heart | Where should I start?

Woke up in a dream today [24 Aug 2003|09:47am]
I was standing outside around 5:00 this morning. It was dark. And I heard this freaky ass sound. I thought it was like a missile or something. I said fuck it after I had a smoke and went to bed. I was obviously too tired stay awake. Anyways. I missed Jen last night. Damn it. I wanted to talk with her so bad. I feel like I have some sort of awesome connection with her. And I just barely met her. Did I mention she was hot? Shh don't tell anyone. Lol. No seriously. She looks awesome. She IS awesome. And shes someone I can talk to on a level I haven't with anyone in a long time. I hope she doesnt read this and think I'm some kind of jerk. Cause I was just complimenting her. Anyways. I don't know if I'll be staying up late anymore though. 1, i always get up late. *shrug* I'll just see what happens. I finally reset my biological clock or whatever. You know, the clock that tells you to go to sleep at a certain time. Yeah. That one. Anyways. I stayed awake all day yesterday doing various shit, and at about 5:00pm yesterday I was lights out. That night I had this weird fucking dream that all people in the world went hungry and started eating each other. I guess that's what I get for watching House of 1000 corpses. With that aside I'm feeling awake with nothing to do -yet-. But I'm sure I can get JT or Jaime to get the fuck out of bed and do something. I'll check up on you later tonight maybe Journal. Other than that. Nothing else is new with me. And I'm feeling pretty good. Peace fools.
Where should I start?

Certain questions [22 Aug 2003|08:49pm]
[ mood | content ]

Nothing really exciting going on in my life currently. I met this wonderful chick named Jen. She's pretty cool. I talked to Judy on the phone about two days ago. She's going through some trouble with school. I hope everything works out. Carrie keeps popping off and on every once and awhile. I feel sorry for her. Sometimes I pray for her, but alot of the times I find myself relating to her in her situation. It's funny though. Alot of my friends or people I know online would be really cool to chill with if I knew them in real life. Like Chris. Seriously, I have alot in common with him. Even though I've only known him for like about two months online. I feel like I have alot in common with him. And he reminds me of myself in alot of ways. The same experiences I share with people online who live so far away from me. Fuck, why couldn't everything be perfect? Man, this shit is gay. I hate being far away from everyone. I wish I had like a billion dollars so I wouldn't have to work anymore and just fuckin visit all the people I knew. And hang out with them all day. I'd fuckin rock out with them 24/7 seriously. Anyways, with that aside. I've been doing pretty well. Trying to quit smoking off and on but I'm failing. Haha. Oh well. I'm still young, I've got plenty of time to try and quit. What else...Oh, my dad is thinking of heading back into the military. That's just bullshit dude. Seriously. He's going to make my sister and brother relive all the shit that I went through. About him being away all the time and never having any time to spend with our family. That's just crap. Growing up without a father is gay dude. I had to deal with that. I had to be there for myself. I don't care though, really. If he wants to do that, I'll find time while I'm in and fill the job myself. I'll teach my brother how to fish and fucking be irresponsible and shit like that. Because that's what fathers do, make you relize all shit to do in life, the do's and dont's. I never got that. But I'll be fucking damned if my sister and brother grow up like that. Anyways. On the other hand as I said before. I'm doing well. I smashed my hand earlier this week while skating. No big deal. It's not that bad. Not broken atleast, I'm thankful. I was thinking about going surfing earlier this week. Not anymore, fuck that. I heard some chick was eaten by a shark about 75 yards off the coast of avilia beach. They have some good waves there too. Scratch that off my list. Not much else going on journal. I'll let you know what's up though. Oh wait. Chris went through some shit earlier this week. I was alittle worried. I didn't want it to end up like I had mine end up. But it all worked out. Anyways. The music I'm playing is actually ironic to my current situation. I don't know if I'll be able to go home again in December. Parents are thinking about moving. Fuck that. I love Paso. I'm going to stay here. Screw moving to another state. Califoria fucking rocks. With that aside. Peace.

3 Disjointed hearts | Where should I start?

My mask [19 Aug 2003|06:05am]
[ mood | tired ]

I've been awake so long that I can see spots around my face. I'm going to have a cigarette pretty soon. My parents keep getting up again, again. It's about 6am now. My mouth is dry and it's getting hot already. I can't believe it. I wish I could tear my lids off or something. Haha. That way I wouldn't fall asleep anymore. Heh, mom just got up. She's already bitching and getting my case. Go life. Pfft. SSDD right? Same shit different day.

Where should I start?

Awake [18 Aug 2003|03:24am]
[ mood | awake ]

Tired. Just smoked a ciggerette. Yeah, I know I should quit. Oh well. Watching a movie right now. Kinda. Having really paid much attention to it. Moping around the house too much. Thinking about the military and the Navy. I guess I'm alittle scared about the fact of becoming a soldier. Oh well. Joel said he felt the same way when he joined the Army. I'll be ok. If he can do it I can too. Anyways. I tried to enter this earlier but the breaker flew. Dunno why yet. So I'm going to hurry up and end this. Peace. I'll try and get this off my chest some other way. I need to call someone and just talk I guess. Dunno. Anyways. I said I was going, so I'm getting the fuck outta here.

1 Disjointed heart | Where should I start?

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